Getting Some Ice Cream

I'm never one to pass up any opportunity.

I mean, when something comes along my path and begs me to grab it, I'll be more than happy too.



Such as the prospect to do a good deed.


Case in point: This woman I came across yesterday.


Being the middle of July, the weather is quite hot. Needing to get out of the house, I decided to go for a drive. The July heat started wearing down on me and I decided to stop at the popular Ice Cream parlor here in town.


I decided to get myself the ever popular vanilla ice cream cone dipped in chocolate. The line to the drive-thru window was quite long, so I decided to get out and go to the walk-up window.

I got into line and ahead of me was a woman in her late 20's/early 30's with two kids.

She ordered her ice cream and went to pay....but she was coming up short.


I, being the gentleman that I am, offered to pay the rest for her. She accepted and I handed the cashier the money and ordered my ice cream.

I looked at the delicious cone in my hand and went to take a bite, but I was interrupted by a tap on my shoulder. It was the lady. She wanted to thank me for my generous offer.

I told her to think nothing of it, because virtue is it's own reward.

I turned to walk away, but the woman managed to get herself into my line of sight again.

She started talking about how nobody does anything nice for anybody anymore and it was so nice to be able to come across nice people and blah, blah, blah.

Now, the hard chocolate on my ice cream is starting to melt along with the ice cream itself. It was 90 degrees out after all.

You might say, "Why didn't you eat the ice cream while she was talking to you?"

Well, I have an answer for that.

There is something erotic about licking an ice cream cone. Well, the way I do it anyway. I'm a satyr, that's just the way I am. And I don't like to do it while people are watching.

So, I tell the lady to just pay it forward and that was a mistake right there.

She starts going on how she loves that movie and more people should watch it blah blah blah.

My ice cream is melting. I'm listening to this air bag drone on. I'm also getting the nice view of her two little brats slopping their ice cream all over their fat faces.


So, naturally, I snap.

I tell the woman I should have done a bigger favor for her and not have paid for her ice cream. Then I say, well, I would have been doing your fat ass a favor anyway.

The change of puzzlement to shock to anger on her face was almost worth the melted mess of vanilla ice cream and chocolate coating on my hand.

I tell her she should be spending some money on Ritalin for her putrid crotch spawn instead of more sugar to to shift their ADD into overdrive.

She then knock my ice cream cone out of my hand and throws her ice cream in my face.


Lesson here: No good deed goes unpunished.