Ran into an Ex-Girlfriend's new boyfriend.

I went to Wal-Mart last night, to pick up the Wolverine movie. No, I'm not proud of it.



Anyways, while I'm looking at the Blu-Rays, this guy walks up to look over them as well. I look at him from the corner of my eye, and something about him seems familiar.



Then it hits me.





You see, earlier last year, I dated this chick named Allison. We went out for a few months, but she dumped me because she didn't believe I was the kind of guy who could always be there emotional for me. She was right, but let me tell you this folks, she was excellent in bed.



And I do mean excellent, she was worth to fake being there for her emotionally.



So, after we split, I kept tabs on her, and by this, I mean I stalked her MySpace page. She keeps it private, but thankfully, I'm still her friend on there. Every time she would mention a new boyfriend, I would get extremely jealous.



But these dates only seemed to last a couple of weeks, so I continued to hang on, until she realized she made the mistake of dumping me.



But...back in March, she met this douchbag named Taylor.



She and Taylor hit it off. As their relationship progressed, I began checking out his profile as well. Know thy enemy.



Back in July, I saw the worst news I could have ever seen.



Taylor got her pregnant. Now, Allison was as good as dead to me.



And it just so happened, that Taylor was standing next to me at Wal-Mart last night in front of the Blu-Ray rack.



Once it dawned on me that this was him, the gears in my head started to turn. I had to get revenge for what he did to me.



I stood there, completely still, then cocked my head to left, as though I were listening to somebody.



He gave me a curious glance. After a few seconds, I began to speak.



Me: T-T-T- Ta..Tay...Taylor?



He took a step backed and looked me over.



Taylor: Do I know you?



Me: No. We've never met.



Taylor: Then why'd you say my name?



Me: So, that is your name! Fantastic!



Taylor: What the hell is this?



Me: Don't be alarmed. I have a certain connection to the spirit world. One of my contacts was whispering your name. Now they are telling me your birth date. November 16th, 1983?



Taylor: Did somebody put you up to this?



Me: Not at all dude, I'm telling you the truth, I swear on my mother's life. Ask me a question and see if they can tell me.



Taylor: Ok, my father died when I was two. What was his name.



I cocked my head again, pretending to be listening, but I was really trying to remember back to his MySpace page. There was a pic of him as a baby sitting in the lap of a 30 something man. The caption read "In loving Memory of James Prescott"



Me: Jimmy?



Taylor: Yeah, that's right.



Me: Hold on, they are telling me something else.



I "listened" again, then a big smile came over my face.



Me: Your girlfriend is having a baby!



An even bigger smile grew on his face.



Taylor: That's right!



I shook his hand.



Me: That's great man. I think it's cool...wait.



I "listened" once again. Although this time, the smile on face disappeared, only to be replaced with a concerned look.



He looked at me, concerned as well.



Taylor: What is it?



Me: Nothing. Congrats again, I'll let you get back to your shopping.



I began to walk away, but he followed.



Taylor: What did you hear man?



My mind went back to her profile and to the time we were together. There was this guy named Dusty that she had been friends with most of her life. It was strictly platonic, but those two were closer than anybody.



Me: Do you really want to know?



Taylor: Yes! What are they saying.



Me: They keep mentioning a Dusty. I keep hearing Allison, Dusty, and baby all at the same time.



I looked at him, doing my greatest not to laugh as the color drained from his face. He stood there for a minute, out the Blu-ray back, and said he had to leave.



This morning, I looked at her profile, there was a new comment, from him.



Taylor: All this time, I knew there was something going on between you and that shithead Dusty. You think the two of you can go behind my back and fuck around. FINE! I hope he can be a good father to HIS baby! Thats right, I know all about it. I had to hear it from a stranger last night. He tried to tell me it was some goddamn ghosts telling him, but I know your fuckin little games. You ad I are through!



Sure enough, he had removed himself from her friends list and now made his profile private.



Sometimes, I really amaze myself.

My Latest Idea.

Superbowl parties have become a traditional pastime in many American households. People love getting together, watching the big game on their HD Big Screen TVs.

I think it's time to bring a new tradition to American Families.

9/11 Parties.

That's right. People getting together, setting up a bunch of snacks and meals, cracking open some cold ones, and sitting down to watch a rebroadcast of the 9/11 attacks.

Only, a little more enhanced this time. For instance, we will reformat all 9/11 footage in beautiful 1080i HD. That means you'll be able to see the terrorists waving from the plane right before it crashes into the tower.

We will also bring John Madden out of retirement to call play-by-play on the footage.

"The terrorists have made a bold move here, they have intercepted the plane and they are going for it! Where is our defense at? The terrorists are going all the way! They are at the 40, the 30, oh, TOUCHDOWN! Oh, that's got to hurt! Let's watch the instant replay! There they are, they look like they just might miss, but they pull off a fantastic maneuver at the last second and nailed that goal!"

"Oh. what's this? Looks like we've got some jumpers here. Now, we are seeing some pretty amateur moves here. Brett Farve would have dived out with a bot more grace.



"Number 93 is on its way to the goal! OH! Interference, Number 93 has been taken down! It's all over for 93!"



Of course, as with the Superbowl, there is much advertising dollars to be made. We could have commercials like this:

We see a Domino's Pizza delivery car racing down the road. He arrives at his destination, the South Tower of the World Trade Center...after it has collapsed. He looks back and forth between the pizza and the rubble, shrugs his shoulders, and starts eating the pizza.

Pizza Hut could come up with this: "On 9/11, terrorists delivered two large planes to New York. We won't be as stingy, get two large pizzas with all the toppings for $19.99"

Dr. Pepper: "It goes down a lot smoother than those towers did."

The only problem with rewatching 9/11 footage is, you already know what's going down.